The Rocky Horror Invisibles Show
By Ragged Robin
(A little short guy sits behind a desk, he has a white mask over his face, and a red turtleneck on, so it look like he has no neck [ he’s a real dick])
Mr. Quimper: I would like, if I may, to take over your mind, and take you on a strange journey. It was a dark and dismal night when King Mob, that bastard, (Cough) and his group went out to try and find a party to crash. It was a night out, a night out most of them wont remember, because they got so wasted .
(A red sports car speeding through the woods)
(Sir Miles starts to walk across the road)
Sir Miles: What in God’s Name!! AAUUHH!! (THUD)
(The car flattens the poor bastard)
(In the car)
Boy: Did any of you hear a loud shriek and thud?
[Note: Boy is a Girl, it’s just her code name is Boy]
Others: No!
(They all laugh)
Sir Miles: (almost dead in the middle of the road) You Bastard! I’ll get you for… WHA!!
(A motorcycle drives by and finishes him off, [or that’s what your suppose to think, whoops, I’ve said too much! Forget I ever said that])
(back in the car)
Boy: Now I know I heard something that time…
Lord Fanny: Did you take the pills I gave you?
[Note: Fanny is a Drag Queen]
Boy: Yes, why?
Lord Fanny: That must be why you’re hearing things…
Jack Frost: Fucking hell! Are we there yet?!?
King Mob: Shut up Jack!!
Jack Frost: I bet you're lost!!
King Mob: I am not!! I know just where I'm going...
Ragged Robin: (coughs, but it almost sounds like she’s saying, “Bull shit”)
Lord Fanny: And where is that darling?
King Mob: uhm... ( big castle appears ahead) We're going there.
Ragged Robin: (rolls eyes) well isn’t that convenient, and you knew it was there the whole time too, didn’t you?
King Mob: Shut up Robin!
Ragged Robin: ok...act that way...
King Mob: Ok, I will!
Ragged Robin: Don’t get bitchy at me just because you are the one who got lost!
King Mob: (screaming like a little girl) I’m not lost!!!
(They continue to argue)
(Boy, Fanny, and Jack from the back seat)
Boy: I love it when they fight...
Lord Fanny: Oh I know...they do it so well...
Jack Frost: But they could do hit each other with a chair, like on Jerry Springer...Fuck, that would be cool.
( car pulls up to castle and they all get out)
Boy: Are you sure we are at the right place, KM?
King Mob: Ya, I'm sure (glares at Robin) Don't even say it...
Ragged Robin: Ok...I won’t say it...jerk.
(Jack's up by the door with Fanny)
Jack Frost: Fuck it man...this place is creepy!
Lord Fanny: Oh don't worry Jack, I'll protect you...
Jack Frost: No way man! I can watch my self...
(others come up to the door)
Boy: Some one ring the doorbell all ready, it's starting to rain.
Jack Frost: ok, I'll ring the fucking bell!!
(Robin hits Jack on the back of the head)
Ragged Robin: Watch your mouth when we get inside...
(Jack rings the bell)
Jack Frost: Fuck, fuck, fuck fuck…
Ragged Robin: What did I just tell you?!?!
(Hits Jack again)
Jack Frost: I’m just getting it out now…Fuck, fuck, fuck …
(Riff Raff opens the door)


Jack Frost: … fucking hell, bloody fucking hell…
Riff Raff: uhm…Hello?
Jack Frost: fuck, fu..
Ragged Robin: Stop that!!
(Robin hit’s him really hard, he falls over on the that statue that looks like Big Bird on acid, you know that one I’m talking about)
Jack Frost: Auh!!
(Jack looks at Riff then King, then back at Riff)
Jack Frost: Hey!! It's a baldy con...
(Fanny places hand over Jack mouth before he could finish)
Lord Fanny: He's had one to many...don’t mind him...
Riff Raff: I can tell…
King Mob: We're here for the party...
Riff Raff: I don't think you were invited. And how did you know there was a party tonight? (Mumbles to him self) not that there is never something going on here…no, I can never get the night off, and if I do she all ways has a head…
Boy: uhm…what??
(everyone looks at Riff with a confused look on their face)
Riff Raff: Oh, nothing, now how do you know there was a party?
King Mob: Lucky guess …anyway...we’re crashing...
Riff Raff: (rolls his eyes) if you want to...this way... (Mumbling to him self again) maybe I’ll get fired for letting you in…Wait! You’re all wet!!
Lord Fanny: uhh… it’s raining out side, but we got on the porch before we got all wet.
Riff Raff: oh… riiight…
(All fallow Riff in)
Lord Fanny: Darling, you should shoot your decorator. This place is All full.
Riff Raff: I'm planning to do that.... This way...
[They’re following the bouncing thumb]
(Jack notices Magenta hanging over the banister)
Jack Frost: Hey, I think this bitch OD.( pokes her) Lucky Bitch....
Magenta: You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky, we're all lucky. HAHAHAHAHA!!
Jack Frost: I guess she's still tripping...
(Robin and Magenta just stair at each other till clock starts to chime [they look a Lot alike])
(Clock starts to chime 7 times, but the clock says 8 [it’s the little things that count])
Ragged Robin: Oh, what a lovely clock...
Riff Raff: (sings) It's astounding, Time is fleeting, Madness takes its toll...
Jack Frost: I think he's tripping too.
Boy: I think you're right.
Riff Raff: (still singing) But listen closely...
Magenta: (also singing) Not for very much longer....
King Mob: (looks at watch) Good, I hate waiting... and your clock is off.
Riff Raff: (sing sing) I've got to, keep control, I remember, doing the time warp!! Drinking...
Lord Fanny: A Martini?
Jack Frost: Jack Danyels?
King Mob: Tequila?
Riff Raff: [I think you have the idea] Those moments with...And the blackness would hit me...
Boy: Did you hit it back?
Riff Raff & Magenta: And the voyed would be calling...
(All go into the ballroom and it is filled with a lot of other people [Trancies and people you have seen in the comics like Mr.6] and Jerry Springer)
King Mob: Now this is a party...
Jack Frost: Hey! Look! It's Jerry Springer! Hey Jerry, Love the show man!
Jerry Springer: Why thank you, and now for my final thought...alien parties and drugs is not a good combination it can … (he goes on)
All: (they’re singing too) Lets do the Time Warp again!! Lets to the Time Warp again!!
(Mr. Quimper is sitting in his office and Charles Gray is standing by is desk like a zombie)
Mr. Quimper: (mumbles something)
Charles Gray: (he can’t sing but at least he tries) It's just a jump to the left.
All: Then a step to the ri-gh-t.
Mr. Quimper: (mumbles something)
Charles Gray: Put your hands on your hips.
All: and you bend your knees in tight, but it's the pelvic trust that really drives you insa-ay-an. Lets do the time warp again.


Lets do the time warp again
King Mob: (mumbles to group) at least they aren't doing the Maceraina....
Ragged Robin: The nights not over yet...
(Song continues to end where they all fall on the floor [I don't feel like typing the whole thing])
Lord Fanny: Say something Darling...this is a little weird...
Ragged Robin: Maybe they wont be doing the Maceraina after all....
Jack Frost: Hey, where’s the fucking bathroom??
(All sit up and stare at Jack)
(Robin hits Jack on the back of the head)
Ragged Robin: I told you to watch your mouth!
Jack Frost: I mean it! I really have to piss!!
(Jack starts to do a little ‘Damn, I’ve got tot pee really really bad dance)
(they start to get up, and line up, like in the movie)
Boy: Ok, this party is a little to weird for me...I think I'll go wait in the car...
King Mob: Oh come on Boy, this is a great party...
(Boy starts to back out of the room as the elvavader is coming down)
Boy: No way KM, This party is to...
(elevator door opens and Frank in standing there)
Lord Fanny: (screams) AUH! That outfit! It horrible!
[Ok, last line doesn’t make since, because he has a cape on, but you’ll laugh and like it!]
Jack Frost: I don’t need to use the toilet any more… can anyone spare a pare of pants?!?
Frank: How d’you do I…see you met my..Faithful handyman..He’s a little brought down...because when you knocked..He thought you were the candy man. Don't get strung the way I look..Don’t judge a book by it's cover...I’m not much of a Man.. By the light of Day...
Lord Fanny: Oh, I hear you Darling..
Frank: But by night I'm one hell of a lover (throws cape off) I'm just a sweet Transvestite from Transsexual Transylvania...
Jack Frost: Look Fanny, you have a new friend...
( song continues to end and Frank goes to the Lab, [I just don't feel like typing the whole thing, again])
Boy: Guess I don't get to sit in the car...
Jack Frost: Why don't you ever wear stuff like that Fanny??
Lord Fanny: Because I have a little bit of taste...and shame.
Jack Frost: Wow, you have shame ?!?
( all hit jack over the head)
Jack Frost: Fuck!! Is there a fucking sign on my back that says ‘Beat the shit out of me’?
Ragged Robin: Yes!
(hits him again)
(Riff, Magenta, & Columbia start to try and strip the 5 of them)
King Mob: Hey, Whow, a full sevase castle!!
(King is stripped down to his little British flag Speedo thing)
Lord Fanny: Not that I don't like this, but I look a whole lot better with my clothes on, darling..
(Jack’s standing in his underwear with little red rocket ships on them)
Boy: Hey, No! Pants stay on! (looks over) Nice undies Jack...
Jack Frost: Why, thank you...
Ragged Robin: Hey! back off! It's to cold be be walking around in just underwear! And now that I think about it...I don't have any on!
(all look at Robin)
Ragged Robin: What?!? Don't look at me like the Gideon*, you're the one who told me not to were any!
(*Note: Gideon is King's psychic self, and Robin calls him by that name every now and then [and I think it’s a cool name])
King Mob: uhm...well..uhh...this guy doesn't look like the type who likes to be kept waiting...
( Magenta nudges them all to the elevator, King and Jack Frost being the only ones in their underwear)
Magenta: You took my line, you wanker...anyway...Shift it!
(Riff standing by elevator pouring a drink, then taking a drink from the bottle)
Jack Frost: Can I have a drink, man?
(Riff drops the bottle)
Jack Frost: Fuck!! never mind... screw the lab! I'm going to go talk to Springer..
(Riff grabs Jack and pulls him into the elevator. door shuts, and the elevator starts to go up)
Boy: (talking to Columbia) is he, uh, Frank I mean, is he your husband?
(everyone in elevator laughs, except Boy)
Riff Raff: The master is not yet married, nor do I think he ever will be we are simply his, servants.
King Mob: (mumbles) slaves...
(all but Riff and Magenta laugh)
(Riff spits in the drink)
Riff Raff: Maybe this will get me fired…
Magenta: You’ve been doing that for 5 years now, I don’t think he notices. Try pissing in It next time.
Riff Raff: I think I will.
(they reach the lab. all get out of the elevator)
Ragged Robin: Look at the well hung speakers, Fanny.
Lord Fanny: Are you just looking at the speakers, darling?
Ragged Robin: No, not really...
Lord Fanny: Neither am I.
(they both laugh)
(Riff walks up to Frank and hands him his drink then walks out of site)
Frank: Magenta...Columbia...go and assist Riff Riff....
Jack Frost: Damn, they have some fucking cool names. Why the hell can’t I get a cool code name like they have?
King Mob: Because no one likes you Jack…
Jack Frost: oh…HEY!!
Frank: I will entertain...
(holds his hand out and King slaps him five)
King Mob: Hey man, kick ass party. I'm King Mob and this is my team; Ragged Robin, Lord Fanny, Boy, and smart ass, err.. I mean Jack Frost.
Jack Frost: HEY!
Boy: Wow, you used Jack’s name and the word smart in the same sentence, I didn’t know that could be done!
(Frank rubs his hand like it hurts)
Frank: It’s..uhm.. nice to meet you.
Lord Fanny: You know darling, we need to swap make up tips.
Frank: Yes, we should...well, any should feel lucky, we don't often give our guest much hospitality...
Jack Frost: Did he say horse brutality??
Boy: I think so.
Riff Raff: (from behind) Master, we are in readiness we merrily a wait your.. word...
Frank: Stop spitting in my drinks.
(Frank spills his drink on Riff)
Riff Raff: Damn, this was my new suit, it’s my only suit… I used to just walk around naked.
Everyone who just heard the last line: EEWWW!!!!
Lord Fanny: That stain will never come out, the same thing happened to my favorite dress, and the stain never came out, no matter how I tried…(and he goes on about his dress)
(goes up to the mike and dose the usual speech we all know by heart so why bother typing it? [ lazy, lazy, lazy])
(they start to talk to each other as the speech goes on)
Jack Frost: Oh no, not a science lecher!
Ragged Robin: ssshhh!! I'm try to pay attention you wanker!
Jack Frost: Hey! I don't have to take this from you!
Boy: Jack, chill out, if Robin wants to listen, let her.
Jack Frost: (mumbles something)
(King hits him on the back out the head knocking him to the floor. Speech stops and all looks at him)
King Mob: Jack, stand up, and stop interrupting every thing!
Jack Frost: Hey it wasn’t...GAK!!
(King grabs him by the neck and pulls him to his feet)
King Mob: Sorry, you can continue.
Frank: Whatever... now where was I ?
Magenta & Columbia: An Accident…
Frank: Oh right…(goes on)
(Frank walks in front of the tank, you know what happens next, fling off sheet, mummy man in the tank, lots of lights, and so on)
Ragged Robin: Oh, this should be good.
Jack Frost: (yawn) wake me when it's over...
(Jack lies on the floor and Robin kicks him a few times)
Jack Frost: AUH! I just saw up Fanny’s dress!!
(everyone kicks Jack really, really hard)
King Mob: So..? He's making a tampon man?
Lord Fanny: No, the perfect man, I think.
Boy: The perfect man would be one who isn’t imbarist by going out to get tampons for his girlfriend.
(Frank starts to put colored liquid in the tank)
Boy: So the secret to life is Kool-Aid...All ways thought that...
Ragged Robin: Ya, me too.
Lord Fanny: Will you please turn off the strobe.. it’s giving me such a bloody head ache (mummy man starts to move)
Boy: I got to start buying Kool-Aid, that stuff really works.
Jack Frost: Fuck...yeh...
King Mob: It's Alive, Alive, HAHAHAHAHA!!! (everyone looks at him) ...I always wanted to say that.
Ragged Robin: No you haven’t, you just wanted every one to look at you…
King Mob: So? Dose it really matter.
Ragged Robin: Maybe to the big poof, He doesn’t look stable.
Frank: yeh, sure, whatever...Oh Rocky!
Rocky: ugh???
(Sword of Damocles.. blah blah blah Frank cases Rocky around ...the team dances to the music.. song ends. [I'm such a lazy ass])
Frank: oh really! That's no way to behave on your first day out!
Lord Fanny: Of the closet? I know I acted that way on my first day out.
Frank: But since you're such an expunal beauty I'm prepared to forgive you.
(all clap)
Lord Fanny: oh, well isn't that nice.
Riff Raff: He's a credit to your genius.
Frank: Yes!
Magenta: A triumph of your will.
Columbia: He's ok...
Lord Fanny: Ok?
Frank: OK?!? (hits the tank) I think we can do better then that...( walks over to the group, with Rocky) Well (sniff) what do you guys think?
Ragged Robin: Well, I don't like men with to much hair...
(all laugh and King grins like a moron)
Frank: humf! He caries the Charles Atlas seal of approval.
Lord Fanny: I didn't say anything about not liking him!! Bring him back over here! Please?!?
(Frank goes into his little ‘Just 7 days’ song, but this time Fanny puts the wax on Rocky instead out Columbia... song ends [it’s a sloth , it’s a turtle, no! It’s Super Lazy Ass!])
Freezer thing: Beep, Beep, Beep.
Frank: Auh, ouh!
Columbia: JIMMY!!!
The Group: Jimmy??
(Freezer door falls open, Jim Crow comes riding out on his bike, singing ‘Hot Patootie’ like in the move and the team dances to the song [this has gone beyond lazy])
(Song ends, Frank chases Jim Crow into the freezer and kills him)
Ragged Robin Uhm...what just happened??
Jack Frost: I think the Hotdog killing the Voodoo guy, who ran like a demon out of hell..
Ragged Robin: Oh, I guess that mean just one thing right now...
Jack Frost: And what would that be?
Ragged Robin: This is really fucked up right here.
Jack Frost: (hits Robin) Watch your mouth!! see how you like it.
King Mob:(Hits Jack) Don't ever do that again!
Jack Frost: Oww!! Fuck!
Columbia: (screaming)
King Mob: Will somebody shut her up please!
Frank: ( comes out of the freezer and drops the pick ax) One from the vaults.
Columbia: (stops screaming)
King Mob: about time, thank you!
(Rocky beating on the door of the elevator)
Frank: Oh! My baby!!
(Rocky looks pissed off as Frank opens the door)
Lord Fanny: He looks upset.
Frank: Oh, don't be upset, it was a mercy killing..
King Mob: (looking into the freezer) Looks like a messy killing to me...
Ragged Robin: You’re a fine one to talk.
Boy: His killing are almost as messy as some of your killing, KM.
Frank: He had a certain naive charm, but no muscle.
(Rocky Flexes a biceps)
Lord Fanny: Oh my!
Frank: OH!
(sings 'Just 7 days' just like in the movie only King is playing the Wedding March on a guitar [isn’t that cool?] )
(after he stops playing the guitar)
Ragged Robin: You never told me you could play the guitar.
King Mob: Would I have had to tell you ?
Ragged Robin: Well, no, but I still never knew that.
Magenta: Do you know ‘Another One Bites The Dust’?
(King starts to play it)
(Cut to Mr.Quimper)
Mr.Quimper: There are those who say life is like a box of chocolates. If you are one of these people, you should be slapped. And with the sudden departure of all tasteful jokes, King Mob and his Friends thought it was quite safe, until they were shown to their separate rooms...(looks both ways sees no one is around and pulls out a dirty magazine)...hehehe...
(cut to everyone being shown to their rooms)
(Jack is in his room jumping on the bed)
Jack Frost: This is Fucking cool man!!
Columbia: (heard from out side the room) Stop jumping on the bed you wanker!!
Jack Frost:...fuck...
Columbia: Have you ever thought of not using the word ‘Fuck’ in every sentence?
Jack Frost: Fuck, No!
[Note: Anyone under the age of 12 should not read the next 19 lines. It is far to Dirty and I should be slapped severely for writing such filth]
(Robin in her room just sitting on the bed)
(Knock at the door)
Ragged Robin: Who is it? Who's there?
Riff Raff: (Opens the door) Only me my most beautiful sister..(he's holding a carton of whipped cream)
Ragged Robin: What the Fuck?!?!
Riff Raff: AUH!! Sorry! Wrong door! (slams the door)
(different Room, but it looks the same, only a different color, [‘what color?’ you think, well I don’t give a damn about what you think])
(Magenta in her room sitting on the bed)
(Knock at the door)
Magenta: Who is it? Who's there?
King Mob: (opens the door) It's only me Rags...(he's holding some tabs of acid)
Magenta: What the Fuck?!?!
King Mob: AUH!! Sorry! Wrong door!
(slams the door)
(King and Riff meet half way down the hall)
King Mob & Riff Raff: Wrong door...
(they walk past each other and go in the right door)
(cut to Frank just walking down a hall way humming to him self. Door opens and hand reaches out and grabs him)
[Note: More dirty stuff a head. Warning still stands]
Lord Fanny: It's party time, darling...
(door slams [do we really need to be told what they are doing? I thought not, but if your answered was yes, seek help, or porn] )
(cut to Boy walking around the lab)
[Note: Porn Warning has been lifted]
Boy: Well this is one fucked up night.
(she lights up a cigarette)
Rocky: uhg!
(he runs out of the lab)
Boy: and it keeps getting weirder, and weirder....
(Boy walks off. Riff and Magenta are in the back part of the lab, [where ever that is])
Riff Raff: Well, that sure saves us some work...
Magenta: yup.
Riff Raff: Since that saves use some time, want to go fool around some more?
Magenta: uhm…Ok!
(They run out of the lab, and Magenta does that funny little run of hers [I like her funny little run, that’s the only reason I put that part in, so she would run funny])
(Cut to out side of Jack's room)
[ Note: ‘This is the Porn Police! Step away form the computer, and come out with your hands up!’ ]
Jack Frost: Get out of here you fucking poof!! Hey don't touch me!!
(Frank gets shoved out of the room and the door is slammed shut and locked)
Frank: You needn't be rude about it, any way, it's not all that bad, is it?
Jack Frost: Like fucking hell it is!! Bugger off!!
Frank: Well!! I never!
Jack Frost: That's right, you'll never, never, never ever, you big poof!
Frank: Stop calling me a poof! I’m a doctor, damn it!
Jack Frost: A doctor of the weenie sciences!
(Frank gets mad and walks down the hall to a another room and opens the door)
Frank: Oh! Can I join?!?
Ragged Robin: AUH!! What the fuck?!?!
King Mob: Fuck off!!! (sound of a gun being loaded)
Frank: (Hands up) Ok, ok...(slams the door)...I never get to have any fun...
(monitor on the hall wall starts to light up)
Riff Raff: (on monitor) Master, your new play mate is lose and some where in the castle grounds, Magenta has just released the dogs.
Frank:...Oh bloody hell...Coming...
[Note: No more dirty stuff, and if that is all you were reading this for, you are now dismissed]
(cut to Boy sitting in the lab, and Rocky comes running in with a bunch of dog bites)
Boy: What the fuck happened to you?
Rocky: uhh...uhg uh huh...
Boy: uhm...whatever...(gets a first aid kit)...this might sting a bit.
(puts some of the stingy stuff on one of Rocky's cuts, he gets a creepy smile)
Boy: Oh yuck, this stuff turns you on?!?!
Rocky: (grins even more and jumps on top of Boy)
Boy: AUH!! Get the hell off of me you freak!! ...I knew I should have stayed home to night..
(Frank, Riff and Fanny are entering by elevator, Frank is beating Riff with a whip)
Riff Raff: (Running out of the elevator as soon as it stops) Merci!! (trips over Boy and Rocky) What the hell?!?!?!
Lord Fanny: Boy?
Boy: Fanny?
Riff Raff: Her name is Boy?
Boy: It's my code name, dumb ass.
Frank: Rocky?!?!
Rocky: Uhh?
Lord Fanny: Boy?
Boy: Fanny?
Riff Raff: Her name is Boy?
Boy: It's my code name, dumb ass.
Frank: Rocky?!?!
Rocky: Uhh?
Lord Fanny: Boy?
Boy: Fanny?
Riff Raff: Her name is Boy?
Boy: It's my code name, dumb ass.
Frank: Rocky?!?!
Rocky: Uhh?
Frank: Listen you cheap slut! Get your hands off my Rocky!
Boy: Gladly! but he's the one who started it!!
Riff Raff: master?
Frank: Is that true Rocky?
Riff Raff: Mater?!?
Rocky: (nods his head)
Frank: That's my boy..
Riff Raff: MASTER!?!?!
Frank: What!!??!! What do you want now?
Riff Raff: there is an intruder entering the building...
(Jolly Roger is sneaking into the house)
Frank: (gasp)
Lord Fanny: aww damn, not her..
Riff Raff: You know this earthling...err... person?
Frank: One more slip up like that and you’re fired!
Riff Raff: Yippy!
Frank: But your sister isn’t!
Riff Raff: Damn it!!
Frank: Any way, you were saying about the bitch…
Lord Fanny: oh...she's some friend of King Mob's....
Frank: so this wasn't a chance meeting?
Boy: what?
Frank: you all came here on prepuce...didn't you!
Boy: Leave Flipper out of this!
Lord Fanny: Don't ask me! I wasn't driving! I never get to drive...
Boy: That’s because you’re all ways on some kind of drug.
Lord Fanny: So are King Mob, and Robin, and they always get to drive…
Boy: (shrugs) Why don’t you bitch at them then?
Lord Fanny: I think I will…
Frank: Well we had better meet this friend of yours...
Lord Fanny: She's not friend of mine personally...
(Frank goes to the panel and turns on the Triple Kinetic Faggot Magnet)
(Jolly Roger goes zooming threw the house on a skate board that popped out of the floor till she smashed a hole threw a lab wall [ I would have used Edith, but a 100 year old woman in a wheel chair isn’t as funny as a Lesbian on a skate board, or is it?])
Boy: Holy flying shit!
Riff Raff: oh we have a door...
Jolly Roger: Count Chocola?
Frank:'s Dr.Frank 'n' Furter...
Jolly Roger: So you're into the weenie sciences?
Riff Raff:(to him self) that's the best guess I have ever heard, closest too
( a gong is hit)
Jolly Roger, Boy, & Lord Fanny: What the fuck was that bang?!?
Magenta: Master! Dinner is prepared!
Frank: excellent, under the circumstances, formal dress is to be optional.
(Frank walks out of the room)
All: (Looks at each other then start to chant) Toga, Toga, Toga, Toga!
. (cut to Mr.Quimper)
Mr.Quimper: (hiding his dirty magazine) AH! uhm...where were we?!? oh, food and a bunch of crap like that, last meal, gornamay [I can’t even say it, let alone spell it, so back off!], and now, FUCK OFF!!! (starts to look for his magazine again)
(cut to the dining room. All are sitting around the table, Frank at one end and Jolly Roger at the other, she has 7 forks and King is wearing his cool headdress thing, [just because, well, for no reason, I just thing he looks cool with it on])
Ragged Robin: Have enough forks Roger?
Jolly Roger: leather bitch! (she flips Robin off)
Ragged Robin: (returns the jester)
(Door opens and Magenta and Riff rolls in the main cores)
Boy: It smells like...
Jack Frost:...teen Spirit?
Boy: well, I was going to say, Meat loaf, but that's funnier...
( Riff opens the lid and steam comes out)
All: Oh No!!! Not steam again!!
( Riff drops a big chunk of meat on the table)
Ragged Robin: uhm....not to insult your cooking and all, but couldn't we just order pizza?
Frank: No.
(Frank starts to slice the meat and Riff and Magenta start to poor the wine)
Lord Fanny: What kind of wine is this darling?
(Riff spills the wine on the table after filling each cup)
King Mob: I think it's table wine...
(Frank finishes cutting the meat)
Frank: A toast!
Jack Frost: with jelly and butter?
Frank: to absent friends..
all: to absent friends...
( all take a drink)
Jack Frost: (spits out the wine) What the fuck is this shit?!?
Ragged Robin: (throws some celery at Jack) Watch your mouth asshole!
King Mob: Does it really mater at this point?
Ragged Robin: Well, no, but its fun, see! (throws some more celery at Jack)
Jack Frost: Fucking hell! Stop it you bitch!
(King throws some celery at Jack so hard it knocks him out of his chair)
[Don’t you feel sorry for Jack? Nope, me nether]
Frank: Excuse me!! My I finish!?!?
King Mob: (with a big grin on his face, [not that you can see it because of the headdress, but lets just say he has one, Ok?]) Sorry Big Poof!
Frank: Stop calling me that!! I’m a Doctor, Damn it!!
Jolly Roger: Janet!
King Mob: Why did you say that?
Jolly Roger: Because it was funny! And I made a rhyme.
(claps for her self)
Frank: [he’s getting really pissed if you can’t tell by now] This is my Party!! You should all Shut the Fuck up! NOW!! And I hate celery!!! (throws a piece of celery across the room)
(everyone throws celery at everyone else for about ten minutes, they only stop because they ran out of celery)
Frank: My we finish the toast now?!?
All: Go right ahead, little poof!
Frank: (sighs) I guess that’s better, now lets all sing Happy Birthday to Rocky!
( puts on a party hat)
(all start to sing happy birthday, no one finishes the song[ except me! ‘Happy birthday to you’])
( Riff and Magenta start to pass out the meat)
Boy: ey, its Frisbee meat.
Jack Frost: I’m not going to eat this shit!
(Jack takes out a bag of nachos)
(Rocky and Jack both start to fight over a bag of nachos)
Jack Frost: Hey you big monkey! I want my fucking nachos!
Rocky: (grunts a lot)
Jack Frost: Hey! You, big poof, your shaved monkey is calling me names in his stupid monkey talk!!
(Frank threatens them with the Turkey cutter)
Jack Frost: Hey! Don't point the damn thing at my you big poof!
Frank: And Stop calling me ‘Big Poof’ I’m a Doctor!
Magenta: A doctor of the weenie sciences!
(Riff and Magenta start to laugh)
Riff Raff: HA…HAHA…Shut up!!
Jolly Roger: Well, I came here to find Jerry Springer, I need to kick his little white arse! Columbia: Jerry?!?!
(Frank threatens Columbia with the Turkey cutter)
Ragged Robin: You know, you should stop that, you could put some ones eye out with that thing...
Frank: Oh, shut up!
(Threatens Robin with the turkey cutter)
(Magenta and Riff by this time have left the room, [if you could you would have probably left it too, I know I would])
King Mob: You didn't kill Jerry Springer and cooked him for dinner, did you?
Frank: No, he's over there..
(Jerry Springer is on the other side of the room reading the script to his next show [ they’re all fake if you didn’t know])
Frank: ..we're eating Jim Crow...
(Boy spits out a big chunk of meat and starts to gag)
Columbia: Jimmy?!?!
Lord Fanny: Damn girl, you sure get around...
Columbia: Ya, but what else is there to do?
Jolly Roger: oh, that is just sick! I would have rather eaten Jerry Springer!
Ragged Robin: Me too, blah! Who knows were that voodoo bastard had been?
King Mob: Well, ya know, he doesn’t taste half bad.
(all stare at King till something cool happens )
([Wait for it, wait for it, Now!] Door is kicked open and Riff and Magenta are standing there in their space suits, and Riff has his Super Laser Fork! [this is the cool thing that happens])
Riff Raff: It's over Frank 'n' Furter, we're returning home.
(King Mob and Jolly Roger pull out their guns, everyone else has their hands up, except for Rocky and Jack, who are still fighting over Nachos [nachos are funny])
Frank: That’s it! You’re fired Riff Raff!!
Riff Raff: Yippy!
Magenta: Can I shot him now, I mean because you just got fired and all?
Riff Raff: Uhm…no.
Magenta: Damn it! You’re not fun! I’m telling Mom!
Boy: Now this is really fucked up right here.
Jack Frost: you could say that again.
Riff Raff: Now Frank'n'Furter, say good-bye to all of this, and hello to...
Jerry Springer: Hold it right there! This is great! I want you all on my next show!
Jolly Roger: I hope your final thought was a good one, because you just had it!
(Riff, King, and Roger blow Jerry away)
Jack Frost: Oh my god!! You killed Jerry Springer!
Lord Fanny: So what? who cares?
Jack Frost: I don't know...
Riff Raff: now where was I?
Magenta: (sigh)...and hello to...
Riff Raff: oh, right, sorry, and hello, to oblivion!
Columbia: (screams)
(Riff shoots Columbia)
All: Hur-ray! No more squeaky voice!
(Frank tries to run, but King shoots him about 12 times to make sure he stays dead)
Ragged Robin: Why the hell did you kill him?
King Mob: I don't know, just felt like killing some one.
Ragged Robin: Or you just wanted the attention again.
King Mob: Well, that too.
(Rocky sticks his fork in the power outlet and kills him self)
Lord Fanny: (about to cry) and he was so cute and beefy! I wanted to take him home with me!
Ragged Robin: Don't worry Fanny, we'll get you a new muscle man...
Riff Raff: I think you should all leave now, we are about to...
King Mob: Ok, ok, I don't want to know the whole story, it’s not that I don’t care, well that is the reason, so we'll just leave now.
Riff Raff: Oh, well, alright then.
(all leave and get into the car and start to drive off)
Boy: Is it just me, or was that really weird?
All: It's just you.
(Castle flies off)
Sir Miles: (standing in the middle of the road, again) HA,HA! I’ve got you now King ... OOUF!
(car runs him over)
Boy: Now I know I heard something that time!
Lord Fanny: Wow, those pills lasted longer then I thought they would…
(cut to Mr.Quimper)
Mr.Quimper: What more do you want?!? A good ending, well do bad! Piss off! Now were did I put that magazine? What?!?! You’re still here?!? I told you to piss off!!(He takes over you mind) now walk off and leave me in peace, unless you know were my magazine is..(you hand him his magazine back after you unstuck the pages you got stuck together) Good, now go away!
(you go away)

The End

Or is it???

[Well it is, {till a really bad idea for a sequel comes along} but that makes the ending sound better. Don’t you thing so?]

[Note: No one was harmed in the writing of this script, expect Jack, who got his ass kicked by Robin, and a good time was had by all. If not satisfied by this Script, please return unread portion for a full refund]

The unread portion,
WOOPS!! You weren’t so post to read this Now you’re screwed, you wont get the refund, And if you really paid for this, you must feel ripped off now,
You don’t even get a refund.
Sucks to be you, huh?!?
And you’re still reading?!?! WHY?!?! Go watch TV or masturbate or something, just go home!!! What more to you want for me?!?!

Back to the Stories Index