DISCLAIMER: These directions are not for use within one mile of Hahvahd Square or Govament Centah.

Boston

The age old question lingering around the greater Boston area:

"How do ya get theah from heah?" The familiar cry, uttered by many a confused tourist who stare looking for street signs like deer in headlights.

And generally speaking, wherever "theah" is, and wherever you "ah" at that moment, the answer follows something like this:

"Ahright. Dude, first of all, y'ah goin the thah wrong fahkin' direction altagethah. But yah can't turn around on this street, right? So whacha gahtta do is go up three blocks, 'cause the first two ah those fahkin' one ways goin' the ahthah way. So yah go three blocks up, take a right at the Dunkin' Donuts, then go all the way down to thah rotahry. Y'ah gonna get to School Street, but it aint the same School Street yah saw on your way to the rotahry, so don't take that one, right? Go three kwatahs of the way around the rotahry, and take a left. This is School Street, but yah won't know it cause it aint mahked. On School Street y'ah gonna go straight til it turns into a one way street goin' the othah direction. Then ya take a left on the little side street theah. It'll take yah in a circle and continue on the othah side of School Street, but it aint School Street anymoah. Anyway, go straight, then take a left at the retahted kid sellin' flowahs. Take that street straight, but it aint really straight 'cause it curves and shit.

It's wicked confuzin', but don't worry, cause yah just follow the street. It's called Cambridge Street 'cause you're in Bahston and it goes ta fahkin' Cambridge. Until you get ta Cambridge, then it turns into Bahston Street. But I wouldn't know about that, 'cause only lefties, loozahs and cahllege kids are in fahkin' Cambridge. Anyway, keep goin', and then take that street ta ninetyfive nahth. Go ninetyfive nahth, which turns into 93 sahth for a minute, but it's also route three nahth. Anyway, when y'ah on 95 nahth, or 93 sahth, or 3 nahth, look for exit 53. You know it's comin' when you get tah exit 51, cause there's no exit 52. Unless y'ah goin' 95 sahth, or 93 nahth, or 3 sahth, cause theah's an exit 52 goin' that way.

Anyway, after ya take exit 53, stop at the gas station and ask the wicked huge guy how to get theah from theah. He can tell ya."

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